getting fatter

1 week to freedom

2011-05-21T15:47:00.004+08:00

Two years had passed and yet I'm still in AWS. Never been assign to japan. They said i was the one who was supposed to go. Since bossing was also going they assigned von to go instead of me. They were afraid some issues mght arise if i go. *sigh* what a waste. I work for aws because i wanted to go to japan. And not for any other reason. And now im leaving without even having to experience what ive been hoping for in the last 2 effing years.

I'm deciding whether to find a job or go study abroad or open a business. In short, I have no idea what to do with my life. I have no plans at all. Well, if wanting to go abroad to taste some desserts is planning, then yes i have a plan. but that doesn't mean im gonna pursue it.

heres one week to freedom. cheers.

one half day

2011-01-31T22:01:00.003+08:00

spent half a day with bossing today before him going back to japan. unfortunately, im still here.. iwan..

the first time he texted me was back in 2009 when i just started working in aws. i remember him telling me he was in the manila ocean park with his family and hoping he could one day bring me there. i was so scared and shocked to hear that. i didnt know what to do, he was and still is my boss. i thought it was legally unacceptable to render those words to a subordinate. but there was no such rule.

2 years later, it happened. i was just there with him a while ago. he didnt remember what he said though. doesnt matter (at least for now). i had fun. we went strolling around the aquarium and finally had a fish spa. a kind of fish that eats away the dead skin cells. it was ticklish at first but it started to feel like you were grounded once you get used to it. not exactly comfortable. but good for the skin. i think. i wonder whats gonna happen if i dip my feet for a day.

went to promenade for a milk tea at happy lemon. i let him try the rock salt cheese and the red bean milk tea. he was not that impressed though. i think. well he said it was just ok. anyway, we were off to neo spa. had a dry back massage for 20 mins PHP320. pretty expensive. so-so for me. not worth it.

and for dinner, mann hann. with his family. *sigh* it was so awkward. me being the introverted type. and them being the crazy ones. crazy good, that is. i better be more outgoing the next time i meet them. maybe theyll come to like me. especially his mom. his mom, btw, kinda dislikes me. i dont know..

nevertheless i had fun. im looking forward to another date very soon, bossing hehehe my treat. ill miss you! take care of yourself. God bless!

unchosen

2011-01-07T23:19:00.001+08:00

Ive been left behind. theyre speeding up.
Am I that bad? or is it just im unaware of whats happening.

I admit I often do my work with what i think is only required. I don't research or dig deep into the problem. I just thought it was a bit waste of time. I was wrong. so now, given that i have worked in AWS for 1.5 yrs already, I have very little knowledge of the codes and like.

maybe unawareness. I think the management should regularly evaluate the performance of their employees. its like in school, youll know when youre already failing. you know your stand. so you know what to do. you know you should study harder. its totally the same.

i dont know, maybe im just stupid (which i already accepted a long time ago). all crap.

August 26

2010-08-28T18:55:00.002+08:00

finally.
its been a year and a month. mostly bad times. but when its not, its totally worth it. :)
i havent told anyone yet. coz no one asked :) which is good. for now. i dont know what will happen when i tell my parents. im just hoping for the best.
honestly, us or not, its pretty much the same. only the confidence of expressing my feelings and thoughts are much easier.

left out

2010-07-04T09:46:00.003+08:00

grabe ang pagsisisi... yesterday i watched legally blonde the musical with eiza, nikki and bossing. everything was going well until they started talking about lasalle and ateneo. i never failed to feel left out everytime that topic goes around. i went to ust.. which is a good school. if you took med courses that is. people arent really familiar with ust offering a computer course. so that makes it embarrassing. second, we could afford to study in dlsu and admu.. but i didnt. computer students in ust studied there because they couldnt afford to study in those 2 schools. so i have no excuse. i am simply dumb. i could have gone there anyway. i know i can. this issue will never stop unless they stop talking and bragging about their schools plus the uaap of course. oh well, we cant turn back time can we..

how big of a deal is a kiss anyway

2010-06-13T21:12:00.003+08:00

well it is big. depends where. head. fine. forehead. ok i guess. cheeks. o..k.. lips. no. at least not yet.

i didnt feel anything when i experienced it yesterday. a surprise smack. i didnt know it was a kiss until he tried to hide under the water. i got so furious i didnt know what to think. anyway, i dont wanna go back there. although before that incident, i covered my face with a towel and then he targeted the forehead and the cheeks. and then the lips. it was really weird but it felt kinda good and right. so i just sorta showed it was fine. well because there was something in between. so i guess he got the idea of really doing it from this. but then after the fight and a lot of compromises, there it was again. with a blanket this time. it felt really nice. as surprising as it may sound. i cant wait to have a blanket on my face again. :P

what to do

2010-05-12T21:27:00.003+08:00

i have to decide whether i want him to be mine or not.. but i do want him. im just not ready to be in a relationship. my family wouldnt exactly be glad about it. they want me to find somebody richer who can provide.. a comfortable life? plus. i dont even know how to tell him. but i know and im sure i dont wanna let him go..

letting me down again

2010-04-09T23:22:00.004+08:00

if i told you to stay before you left, would you?
well i threatened you by quitting this ligaw thing. and yet you still left. so no. asa pa.

what you said you felt towards me. i believed it. but now i think its all bullshit. i guess wala talagang matinong tao sa mundo.

if you didn't leave, we would have already been in a relationship. maybe ayaw mo rin. i don't know. you keep delaying this. you cant blame me if this wont work out.

sorry again for today. just got disappointed about you extending your stay there for another month.

still hoping to find somebody who wouldn't leave me.

he's changed

2010-03-21T13:14:00.002+08:00

these pass few weeks, ive noticed hes not that into me anymore. so i always try to avoid him instead. but then again, failed to do so. hindi ko matiis e. hay..
i should have accepted pal's offer 2 years ago. a big mistake. i could have met somebody better. who wouldnt leave me. whod treat me as someone extremely important and special. whod suffer if we missed a day talking. whod know what i really want without having to voice it out (cause i really cant express what i feel). who wouldnt compare me with anyone. and whod just surprise me a lot.
i guess this imaginary boyfriend doesnt exist.

im sorry

2010-03-06T18:44:00.003+08:00

i always look forward to the weekend so that we could talk for hours on the phone (VoIP). even if theres really nothing to talk about. and recently, you havent been calling. and it got me so mad that i have to bully you again. i had been giving you hints like "tuyo na laway ko i need to speak or maybe sing" (twitter) and "tom nalang usap kasi tamad ako magtype". although its totally not your fault you didnt get it. im a coward. i cant tell you straight. coz when i do, you'd know how i feel about you. and i dont want you to know that. not yet.

im sorry i didnt mean to hurt you or get you stressed out. ok. sometimes i want to. ikaw kasi e. you left me. and i hate you so much for that. i hate this feeling.

theres a lot you just dont know

2010-02-13T09:13:00.005+08:00

sometimes i wanna go to bed early so i could talk to you in the morning.
i always wanna annoy you just to feel like you cared. and then check your latest status on facebook and twitter just to confirm it.
i always look at my phone to see if you texted already. sometimes i dont text back just to make sure youre really expecting my reply. even if it kills me not to respond.
i always reject your calls because i want you to keep calling me.
i always turn you down just to feel like you really wanted to be with me.
i always wanna bully you just to hear you say sweet stuff.
youre right. its my defense mechanism to say kadiri and ewan ko sayo. because i cant express how i feel about you. i guess its enough for me that you only know i like you.
i know im risking my chance to be with you. to sacrifice my future to be with you is really hard especially if theres a lot at stake. like disobeying my parents, especially if the "i told you so" came. but i know for a fact i cant find another guy like you. you are probably the best ive known so far.
im a crazy little girl. i know.

restless

2010-01-27T20:39:00.003+08:00

my mom doesn't seem like she'd like him. one reason: he's not rich. and might be that he'll be abusive and violent. can't really tell. i've actually been teasing him about this. and i don't think he's really that kinda guy. although he may look like one.

despite this, i'm still open-minded.

i don't know what there is to say. i'm.. blank.

maybe i just need someone to bully again. just to get off my boredom.

and eventually replace him.

loner

2010-01-18T19:10:00.004+08:00

i need to get this out of my system.
now that this overweight panda is about to ride a plane going to the US. i suddenly felt so lonely. i have no one to talk to. i have no one to annoy. no ones bugging me all day.

i miss him already.
(although we just met earlier today)

i have to occupy my mind with something else. like...
...
...think think think...
...
think...
this is really killing meeee!!!!

why do you have to do this. you know i hate goodbyes. ok, maybe you dont.
i wish i could just scoop you out of my head and stop thinking and worrying about you.

Christmas season

2010-01-01T11:20:00.005+08:00

i know the Christmas season shouldnt be about presents and good food. it should be about commemorating the birth of Christ. but people, including me, couldnt help but bury that thought in the ground when earthly things started to appear in front of us. i saw a shop with a tarpaulin written something like we should give gifts as a symbol of spreading the blessings of God. this maybe true. but you know what their intentions are.

anyway, i received a whale stuffed toy from my boss which i find it really adorable because of its huge body and its tiny winny tail haha but i dont know that im gonna do with that. then a kipling wallet from my ninang which my mom would give away (me dont like it). finally a red lipstick and a perfume from sachim and sachak whos also my godparents (lav et!).

part of growing up

2009-12-30T10:39:00.004+08:00

just to change the ambiance here in my blog. im gonna talk about a guy from work.

hes courting me and hes my boss.
weird, i know. but i got used to it. everything suddenly became just normal. well not suddenly. but it gradually did. haha
its been 6 months(?) now and im still unsure. basically im not that into him yet plus my parents are undeniably strict. they wanna know his family background. kulang nlng pati names ng anestors niya. pero ok lang. they said i should look farther into the future to determine what life i would want to choose. the life i have right now? better? worse? although were just in the stage of courtship. but who knows.

im a guy full of pride. thats why i get too many complaints. haha
aside from this, im a bonehead, childish, immature, very stupid, and all else you could think of.

still a probi

2009-12-13T13:57:00.002+08:00

extended for two months, given a special project, repeating my exams. these are some of the repulsive requirements of AWS. i cannot believe im working for them.

we were given until the end of the year to finish this project and yet i havent exactly started on our proposal. i wonder what would happen if we didnt finish.

why do i always fail?

2009-12-08T20:43:00.002+08:00

heres what happened these past few months.

i failed philnits once and again. i just couldnt believe how stupid i can get. and yet im only 10 pts behind.
i might fail JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test). im not sure if i was blocked out. but i studied. it just wasnt enough. more on skimming than scanning.
im not doing anything at work recently. i get the feeling they dont trust my capabilities. but i do think theyre got that right. its really impossible to trust me. i know that.

this is a disaster. im such a failure.

PhilNITS once again

2009-10-11T18:27:00.003+08:00

exactly one week before the exam. and yet im still not studying. mainly because i do not know what to study. obviously unsure if im even gonna pass.

no idea. at all.

just recently transferred from dev b to c. really. really awkward.

frustration

2009-08-09T19:04:00.003+08:00

ever since i knew about colleges, i've always wanted to study at lasalle. i'm not exactly sure why. but i think it's because i'm more qualified there compared to up and ateneo. unfortunately, i didn't get the chance to pass the entrance exam. maybe, just maybe, if i answered all or even 80% of the questions, i might have that chance. now. it's getting frustrating everytime my lasallian friends/officemates mention their school. and all of them have that look. the look of proud alumni. the look that spells you-came-from-a-trash-school. the "i pity you" look. i don't understand why it has to be this way. sometimes it gets to the point where hanging out with them is such a torment. it's degrading everytime.

what to do now

2009-03-14T11:30:00.002+08:00

OJT just started last wednesday and i couldn't really think of a good way to escape this dump. my groupmates are kind of depending on me to do my part. although they just assigned me to do testing. it's a bit insulting, honestly. knowing my capability. although i'm not saying i'm good or anything. but testing?! why did i apply here in the first place if i'm just gonna do testing? anyway, i thought it'll be ok since i'd be on leave for 2-3 days.

PHILNITS is coming close. 5 weeks to go. 10 more books to read. 15 past exams to review. 16 past JITSE exams to study.

my escape

2009-02-27T22:45:00.002+08:00

i'm thinking of leaving AWS. i can't stand the thought of being a probi for two years. coz it's like almost impossible for me to pass the PhilNits exam (a requirement to be qualified for regularization). we've been given 3 mock exams which none of those i passed. totemo pityful, i know. i wonder when i'll be kicked out. anyway, i applied at NEC, also a Japanese IT company, just in case, but also with other ulterior motive. LOL. i'll go in detail with this once successful. so. fortunately, i was shortlisted for an interview next two weeks. well, for now, i just hope everything goes well.

last day of the year in AWS

2008-12-20T11:46:00.002+08:00

yesterday was our Christmas party. they ordered ambers (again) and the usual KFC. we had shagedy-shapopo games and the revealing of babies (kris kringle). we went bowling + billiards at robinson's place afterwards and ate dinner at ajisen ramen which is quite different from hk, sadly. finally, karaoke at timezone php12 per song. pretty affordable compared to redbox which costs hundreds per head.

when people say you're magaling for countless times. what does it really tell you? coz real magaling people get compliments only once they are known to be magaling. and that's it. they don't get complimented over and over again. so what if you get complimented whenever you get an average score or just simply accomplishing something. you'd feel insulted diba?? coz they expect you most likely cannot do it. it means you're either bobo or tanga. or both.

3 weeks at AWS

2008-12-05T23:49:00.003+08:00

this sucks. they recently announced there will be an assessment 2 weeks from now. the training will be stopped once the standards (of a trainee) aren't met. im beginning to think im not fit for this training after all. first, i absolutely hate studying. although i like the idea of studying, doing it makes it rather unbearable. second, i earn peso allowance. lastly, im not, at all, happy. although i think this is a good training ground, to say the least.

after months of planning, pg machos finally got together. nothing has changed. they're still the same, just this time, they were talking about HP.

left out. (1) at AWS, my group of friends are from la salle. (2) in college, my friends were all DLs. (3) now, they're in HP.

one more week before aws

2008-11-01T14:28:00.005+08:00

after a long wait since ive applied last july, i finally got accepted. although i was having second thoughts about whether to accept the offer or not. i asked almost everyone in my YM contact list if they were to choose between AWS or PAL, what would it be given the pros and cons. it was a really big help but its sorta 50-50. i even got to talk to my cousin's cousin who had worked there before. he said he would choose PAL over AWS. confused and baffled, i finally chose AWS. sadly, i regret not choosing PAL. but on the bright side, ill be experiencing pressure and stress as i believe i haven't experienced it before.

ok. so after i signed the contract, they already provided me with study materials and assignments to submit on the first day of training. no wonder they said this will be an intensive training that is ironically, more of self-study.

by the way, zsa will be in the training with me!

mimi's despedida

2008-09-13T09:12:00.009+08:00

have i become boring? its been a while since ive socialized. i realized i dont joke a lot and no longer being silly compared to when i was in high school. im not comfortable being with neos because i feel intimidated. things have changed so much since we started college. first is the looks. although i wouldnt say thats a problem. second is the habit or way of doing or saying things caused by peers influences. lastly, were not open to many things. such as not saying what mistake or any bad impression we made. so much has been kept to ourselves that made it more difficult to share. i also noticed last night, we are grouped separately. unlike before, we were "shuffled", we were as close as being best friends. anyway, despite this, im still glad ive been part of neos.

so last night, we went to trinoma. whole neos, for the record. its been a year since we were last completed. karen brought a wine and mushed peaches, which we drank after eating at sizzling pepper steak. they were trying to open the cork with a key. lol good thing there was no "corkage" fee. anyway, boobs face was all red after drinking 1/4 of a glass. then we went on strolling into the mall. we finally landed at gerry's grill hoping to get some more drinks. but we eventually left for zsas house to stay for the night. while on the way, i asked them to drop me off here at home because i have a dentist appointment today at 9am. well its past 9 already, and im still here haha

im gonna miss you pimpy!

father's day

2008-06-16T13:43:00.004+08:00

here we go again (with the greeting). it was so hard to greet daddy happy father's day, too hard i got scolded by mommy in the car. she even pinched me, it hurt. well, she reminded me a few times and i still didn't greet dad. so that's what i get for being me. haha

i wish NSOV would pick me as their software engineer trainee. only 1 vacancy left and there are over 40 applicants so i wouldn't exactly expect much. although im still hoping. i love japan. i love the food. very authentic. mmm!

graduation

2008-04-07T14:19:00.003+08:00

had a black casual sleeveless dress on, put on a light make-up, tied my hair to a bun, slipped on a pair of black high-heeled pointed pumps. and i was good to go.

i shouldn't have let Neos come to my grad. i couldn't leave them. as a result, i took only few shots with my ust friends.. so sad.. i wish i could go back. just for the sake of memories. lol

towards the end of the last semester, i met some cool new friends from other sections. only, i didn't get to know them really well because it was almost time to separate. it's really sad. cuz i sorta don't like IM at all. although some are okay like the g-group (i wonder what they are really called). but there isn't any memory to treasure or even remember. except with rio and ang. they are the only ones who i get along with very well in chixies. and of course, ice! real cool dude. i mean girl hahaha i hope i could still get in touch with them and still be close as friends. i never thought i'd miss UST.

in the month of march

2008-04-03T13:31:00.007+08:00

it's finally over. i'm officially bum.

i went on looking for jobs even the ones i most likely won't get into. just for practice.

guama had been in the ICU for 1 1/2 months i think. the doctor (my aunt) said she has a maximum of 24 hrs to live. that was at 9am and 24 hrs would be on the next day. it turned out barely 3 hrs she finally left us. the hour before she died, mommy said to talk to guama for the last time. it could be like passing on our problems physically and emotionally to her. its a filipino practice they said. but i said something else. i told them i want to be alone with my guama then i laughed just to let them feel its nothing so serious. so i put my lips near her left ear so that i could be certain she heard me although she was unconscious. i told her that God loves her very much. if she wants to rest now, get all she sickness away, just call on to Him and say, "Jesus, save me! Jesus, save me! Jesus, save me!" i have to admit, i was a bit hesitant before saying it. because i knew right then, if i tell her the good news. i would go into tears, which i didn't want my relatives to see. i'm glad in what i did. but half of me isn't sure if she's with Him already. i realize this because the monk said guama was very devoted to buddhism. guama called them all the time to ask for advice and all that. although my cousins said guama was actually praying to the santos (catholic). i'm not sure exactly. anyway, it is still hard to believe she's gone even after the burial. she's the perfect example of an ideal grandma. she's so soft hearted. she cared for every single one of us. male or female. i have never ever ever heard her complain on anything. or even heard it from anyone that she complained. she didn't even want to admit that she's so tired already (in the ICU) because she didn't want anyone of us to worry even though it is so obvious that she's suffering so bad. i could never find another grandma like her. i love her so much.

she passed away on march 18, 2008 11:50am. february 11, 2008 on lunar calendar which is the same date my guakong died but on a non-lunar calendar. after ten years (february 11, 1998). march 19 is my cousin's birthday who is the first grandchild. i had to say guama picked a good date.

study at hk

2007-12-24T18:33:00.000+08:00

its time to update my journal. although no one's reading it. coz no one knows about this. anyway. Christmas again huh. ok, i have nothing to say. except my plans after i graduate (hopefully on time).

im thinking of studying in hk. taking bachelor's degree again. i so dont wish to be an alumni in ust. i hate it there. i hate the place, the people, the subjects im taking up. i tried to escape once, but mommy didnt allow me to. so its been a torture chamber for the last 3 and a half years. anyway, its a good opportunity for me to study in hk coz im a local student there. and i love the campus, although i havent been there. just in my imagination. haha for now, i need to take toefl to meet some of the requirements, but i heard the results come after 3-6 months. well, i just hope not. and the earliest schedule of exam is on the 3rd week of january.

2 cellphones

2007-08-24T20:26:00.000+08:00

i just got spanked by mommy. again. who gets spanked at age 20? i wonder how many of you does. anyway, she said im irresponsible, lazy, and selfish. irresponsible, yes. lazy, yes. selfish, i have no idea. forgetful? totally. i guess forgetting stuff can make you selfish. like earlier today, i was suppose to return 2 cellphones (that arent mine) in an office and the person i should see wasnt there. so i just left because i cant just leave it there. so i told mom about it. she got mad. she told me im selfish just because it wasnt my phone i wouldnt do anything about it. and she said i should have request for a received slip. i dunno. i totally forgot about the receive thing. its my first time to do such. so she cant really blame me. well, thats what i think.

cant wait

2007-08-05T22:06:00.001+08:00

may plan... im not sure itll work. given the situation now. i really dont think so. but. im still aiming for it. i just wish i coulld get through with it though.

* complete info will be posted once accomplished.

cool ba. haha anyway, i need to lose some weight. my hips are getting wider, my tummys getting bigger. although. the title of my blog says, getting fatter. not my hips and tummy though. i was referring to my arms, legs, fingers and toes. not on the abdomen part. i should have been a little specific regarding the title.

favorite child

2007-07-08T00:27:00.000+08:00

all abandoned if her favorite child isnt arround.

thats about it. i wont give so much details knowing that someone unpriveledged tries to read it.

chasing time

2007-05-26T22:12:00.000+08:00

92 more hrs then im done. ill probably still be on training after school starts. but i guess that would be fine. sir je would help me out on our thesis anyway. i hope.

ive settled things with mikka already. although im still not happy with it, what i did may have saved the whole barkada. i dunno, i guess i apologized for rio, jean and ang. to be honest, im still not happy with what they did, not ok for that matter. maybe i come to realize that its time to get things back to how they were. im just gonna do it for a year anyway. and its not that im gonna be plastic or something like that. i just dont want things to be awkward with pgs. i have to admit that when time comes, i would totally forgive them. i hope. but i dont think ill ever forget what they did to me. ever.

smits!

2007-05-11T19:34:00.000+08:00

its been 4 weeks since i started training at san miguel. its been fun. you do work yet you learn a lot plus allowance. php100 which i really wont complain about. sir je is my present boss. hes really not that bad. i learned a lot from him which i need for my thesis this coming school year. especially when my so called friends left me behind. ill talk about that later after i cool down. or else ill speak of things which i will later regret.

手牽手

2007-03-08T11:37:00.000+08:00

Shou qian Shou
"Hand in Hand"
手牽手

詞：王力宏　陶吉吉　陳鎮川曲：王力宏　陶吉吉

這世界　乍看下有點灰（蔡琴）
你微笑的臉　有些疲憊（王力宏）
抬起頭　天空就要亮起來（許茹芸）
不要放棄你的希望和期待（孫燕姿）
沙漠中的一滴淚（周華健、林慧萍）
化成綠洲的湖水真心若能被看見　夢會實現（伍思凱）
手牽手　我的朋友（瘐澄慶）
愛永遠　在你左右（瘐澄慶、李心潔）
不要再恐懼　決不要放棄（張信哲、順子）
這一切將會渡過因為你和我　才有明天的彩虹（陶晶瑩、吳宗憲）
手牽手　我的朋友（ENERGY）
愛永遠　在你所右（BAD）
這一刻　不要躲在害怕後面（張宇）
這個世界需要多一點信念（蕭亞萱）
那塵埃　不會真的將你打敗（蔡依林）
你將會意外　生命的光采（江蕙）
風雨過去那一天　悲傷就要停下來（蘇芮、游鴻明）
感覺你身邊的愛　它存在（動力火車）
手牽手　我的朋友（張清芳、范逸臣）
愛永遠　在你左右不要再恐懼　絕不要放棄（周杰倫、張惠妹）
這一切將會渡過因為你和我　才有明天的彩虹（張惠妹）
我的手　握著溫暖的火種（王力宏）
散發一點光和熱就看到笑容（陶吉吉）
手牽手　我的朋友（徐若萱）
愛永遠　在你左右（信樂團）
不要再恐懼　決不要放棄（TENSION）
這一切將會渡過（老爹）
因為你和我　才有明天的彩虹（瘐澄慶、彭佳慧）
手牽手　我的朋友（合唱）
愛永遠　在你左右
不要再恐懼　決不要放棄　
這一切將會渡過因為你和我　
才有明天的彩虹
手牽手　我的朋友（李玟、MACHI）
愛永遠　在你左右（李玟、SHE）
手牽手　一起渡過（可米小子）
愛永遠　在你左右（周渝民、朱孝天）
手牽手　我的朋友　愛永遠在你左右（合唱）
不要再恐懼　決不要放棄　
這一切將會渡過牽著我的手　
看見明天的彩虹
手牽手　我的朋友　
愛永遠在你左右（合唱）
手牽手一起渡過　
愛永遠在你左右
手牽手　我的朋友（陶吉吉、王力宏）

craps in xp sp2

2007-03-08T11:27:00.000+08:00

i was downloading a sql server from the internet that eats up a space of 808MB.. i tried looking up from microsoft.com.. and it wasnt working.. i dont have the iis that sql server needs.. anyway, wala talaga sa xp sp2.. bulok.. so i tried looking up from other internet sites.. wala rin.. may error.. then i tried the bittorrents.. 822mb.. im gonna die here.. torture talaga kung may internet ka e.. utos lahat sayo.. so right now, my computer's getting choked up by turning off by itself.. anyway im still waiting for the download and im just gonna leave it here.. im sure by the time i get back, my computers dead..

security bank exam

2007-02-12T21:28:00.000+08:00

just earlier today, i had an exam.. and i thought it would be just like accenture's.. at 7:10am, i left the house for an 8:30 exam.. traffic's really bad!! i told the driver to wait for me for 2 hrs tops.. we had our exam, an IQ test.. fairly easy but fairly long (at least for me).. i was ready to leave by then but this proctor was holding this bunch of papers.. so i have to take another one.. an essay question and complete-the-sentence test.. 11am.. yet another set of exam!! sales strategy.. 11:45 am.. the proctor came to collect all the papers.. whew! im done! but!! "people whose names are called passed the elimination round and may have their lunch until 1:30pm and come back in this same venue." surprisingly, im called.. whew! although.. iking's gonna have to wait for me for another 2 hrs.. 12nn.. loner.. i ate at goldilocks alone.. grabe.. buti nalang may seat.. went back at 12:30pm.. at 1:30pm, another set of questionaires.. waa!! exactly like accenture's!! every question i answered, i answered twice!! they are exactly the same!! no flaw!! if there would be any difference, i would be the order of items.. i should have made up my mistakes in the accenture exam.. dummy!!!! im scheduled for an interview anyhow.. still safe hahahha

im154

2007-01-17T21:56:00.000+08:00

just today, we had our first preliminary examinations.. 2 subjects.. operations research and operations management.. om, i think ill pass.. or, no way.. y? stupidity.. well, not exactly.. its like.. careless stupidity.. not careless careless.. u know what i mean.. anyway, if its careless careless, it would be bearable.. unfortunately, its not.. so now, i feel like shrinking.. humiliation in the family.. thats all it takes to make me feel like a failure..

gloom

2007-01-16T12:48:00.000+08:00

i overheard mommy and daddy talking while i was still in bed rather vaguely about taiwan, my shoti, hospital, pal.. then i sorted it out.. and it spelled.. shoti's in the hospital and mommy cancelled her flight to taiwan.. then i woke up, waiting for mom to tell me everything.. but she didnt.. she told me shobe's chemical ingredients cannot be found in allyson.. kakadepress noh.. but she finally told me when i was eating my lunch.. that shes leaving for canada today (shes on her way to the airport now) because shoti's in the hostipal having stomach complications.. she'll stay for 2 weeks and maybe shoti'll come along.. leaving ubc.. i wasnt sure how i felt when she said that he'll be coming home for good.. half of me was really glad, the other half.. i felt disappointment.. shoti wasted 2 years of his life just to end up studying here in the philippines.. he would have been in his 2nd year of college now if he didnt leave.. plus, i felt pity over him.. he'll be leaving his friends, his church, his school.. but i think im still glad he's coming home.. we wont have to miss much.. haha anyway, i just hope he's ok now..

seminars

2007-01-15T17:53:00.000+08:00

jan 19-20 - business and economics convention at dlsu
jan 27 - it convention FUSION at dlsu
jan 27-28 - ateneo's itech seminar at makati

prelims - jan 17-20
-->cant go to business and economics convention

first choice = FUSION
-->limited to only 20 students per university

last chance = itech
-->but no.. no ones coming with me.. they didnt like the idea of spending php300 for the seminar.. but i told them its very important to all of us.. especially for im students.. it is actually organized by the mis students at ateneo.. but it seems like what i said werent really heard.. anyway, ill still try to go..

school starts

2007-01-05T21:29:00.000+08:00

my bangs is getting longer now.. and its hard to maintain.. and right now.. i feel regret.. for my selfish reasons.. which is to have new look.. and thats stupid.. i know..

dean list.. my goal for this semester.. just take away all my laziness.. then im good to go..

are u annoyed by all the ".."? well thats how im saying these words..

this useless trashbag makes me want to strangle him.. if only i could, i will..

friends.. im not a person magnet.. or even a friend magnet.. im boring, selfish, stupid, corny, immature and anything like these you can think of..

dexter.. my new addiction.. a tv series about a forensic scientist who murders serial killers.. just like him actually..

havnt talked to shoti for a couple of months now.. i kinda miss him.. but im used to it though not talking to and seeing each other..

i have nothing to say.. sorry about this haha

my new year

2007-01-03T01:07:00.000+08:00

we open gifts and fire some fireworks every december 31.. its kind of a tradition.. well, i didnt get all i wanted.. but im happy..

right now? im not happy.. school starts tom.. or i mean later..

okay, there is this person.. lets name him.. trashbag.. now this freak was getting against me.. im not sure what his trying to do.. but he makes me wanna spit in his ass face.. crash him like a bug.. kick his ass.. poke his eyes.. along with his friend.. do u think im that stupid that i wont notice it?? huh?? you asshole.. stay away from me!!! stop wasting my time.. its not funny anymore.. u get it?!

my Christmas

2006-12-26T13:21:00.000+08:00

dec 24th
my family and i went to edsa shangrila to buy presents, although we were supposed to stay at highlands but angkong told us not to spend Christmas there.. so instead we went shopping.. we had lunch at a pasta restuarant.. i forgot what its called.. the food was okay but not worth it.. we went to daddys fave shop, lucerne.. good thing he didnt buy anything.. although he bought watches for us as a Christmas gift haha i was actually gonna ask for o.d.m., unfortunately nikki also wanted one.. gaya-gaya talaga.. kakainis!! so i went to look for something else and i got a zodiac.. shobe got casio.. since daddys an almost-expert in watches, he didnt like the o.d.m., it is plastic and itll fast go out of style.. but as usual, nikki still insists of buying that watch (what i liked before).. so she decided to let ahku and akim buy her that instead.. take note: she doesnt wear watches.. she had 2, and it seems like i end up wearing them.. anyway, we went home buying ourselves gifts instead of somebody elses.. then i end up vomitting.. four times.. im not sure if it was the lechon ia ate the day before or the balot earlier that day.. i didnt join the noche buena and the activities they did.. its sad.. i think.. haha

dec 25th
still not feeling well.. mommy woke me up to make me eat dinner (12mn).. i feel so weak and helpless (had fever too).. so she fed me instead.. thanks mommy! then i slept until mommy woke up again to eat my breakfast.. feeling a lot better than the night before, i find myself sitting up and feeding myself.. we were gonna stay at highlands, but i didnt go.. i stayed at home, by myself.. although my cuz passes by from time to time.. all i did was watch tv until my head started to hurt like crazy.. then i went to bed early (11pm) hoping to kill my headache.. however, i woke up at 2am because my headache was really starting to kill me.. so i took half a tablet of biogesic.. then went to sleep once again.. at 9am, i felt something in my nostrils.. i thought it was blood.. i felt relieved knowing that its not.. but another thing triggered me that it is blood.. right then i know it really is.. anyway, im used to this bloody nose.. it started when i was (appox.) 2.. this can be one of the effects of headache.. blood in the nose flows from the brain: an interesting info from atsi.. fyi, shes a doctor..

hs reunion

2006-12-23T23:57:00.000+08:00

at last, we decided to come.. missed 2 already.. the last was Christmas 2004.. haha anyway, we had it last night (friday) at oyster boy greenhills.. rockers went there by bus at 5 or 6pm.. and i went with my cuz at 7 to meet them.. obviously we werent expecting anybody to show up yet.. or i meant i wasnt expecting.. anyway, ruther and isaiah were there.. after waiting for an hour, somebody finally came.. and at 9pm, were complete.. those who came: kz baj zsa pimp karen tata kaka ally brig tiffany kriscia isaiah sarah dwight wiwi psyduck eli boringot elcid ivan ruther odell timothy christian.. 24 were present that night and it was really fun despite the isolated groups.. they werent really joining us.. so anyway, all of us left around 12:30am.. we (rockers) were gonna ride a taxi to zsas place, but we cant get one.. so we called up wiwi for a ride.. thank goodness they had not left gh.. haha grabe.. super siksikan talaga.. sorry sarah, dwight and cheez for that.. haha lesson learned: never decide to go gimik if you dont have a car.. with practically everybody commenting about my hair, i wasnt annoyed despite what i had said.. i dunno, theyre sweet hahha i miss them.. see u soon guys!

what am i?

2006-12-21T20:03:00.000+08:00

after reading shotis blog, i feel less of daughter than i already am.. less of a person for that matter.. mommy and daddy have felt disappointment, betrayal and humiliation ever since ive known the world.. from the three of us siblings, i am the apparently worst.. immature, childish, unconfident, ghetto, loner, irresponsible, selfish, pride, stupid, dumb.. and the like.. what more of a negative trait can i possibly acquire? i dont deserve all these stuff theyve given me.. i dont deserve to be in a pleasant house living in a place full of families getting together everyday.. i dont deserve to be their daughter.. theyve done everything they can just to improve may horrible personality.. but i just couldnt bite.. honestly, i want to.. but i just couldnt.. i dont know.. maybe my pride always gets in the way.. and i said always..

a vocabulary ninny

2006-12-16T21:12:00.000+08:00

i wonder how mommy never read me bedtime stories or hardly any stories at all.. this is why im so un-vocabulary-ized.. quite a number of simple, everyday used words i had never encountered.. i didnt even had the initiative to find those mind-terrorizing words until just four years ago when i felt i really need to eqiup my empty head with some useful words.. also, i never read a book until i was on my 3rd year of high school when application of entrance exams from universities come piling up.. at that time, one book would have a duration of 3 weeks.. mega loser noh.. anyway, i continued that until the exams finally came.. fear of failure of course.. what do i expect? passing at least 2 out of 5? yes.. but sadly, i didnt.. so now u know how do a doofuss i am.. this is the greatest regret ever.. i blamed mommy for this at first.. but then i realized its not really her fault.. apparently, im not really fond of words.. writing them.. reading them.. although i always ALWAYS find it very useful in general.. gain knowledge, vocabulary, speed and comprehension, probably "experience", a better life.. in short, it makes u smart.. very..

nearly end of 2006 in school

2006-12-14T22:51:00.000+08:00

today we celebrate the life of ahya elby for his 19th year on earth hahahha anyway.. ahyas a good boy.. treated us merienda/dinner at kfc!! woohoo!! next year ulit!! kapal namin.. sorry hya.. no money e.. angot gave ahya chocolates and mikka personalized mug.. and i gave him a lot of greetings hahaha it was fun

maam espi got mad at 3im for not joining the caroling for tom.. she said we'd get kicked out if we dont participate.. what choice do we have? anyway, im not included in singing at the caroling.. im being low profile hahahhahaha thanks to the caroling event.. pgc and math classes was cancelled but the exam is moved tom..

im not planning to attend paskuhan.. grabe.. last yr was so boring even with all the crowd and fireworks..

kids' craze

2006-12-11T00:03:00.000+08:00

richwells kids craze toys have up to 50% discount.. we bought 2 gifts for mommys inaanak and other stuff for me.. im still a kid hahaha

akims really mad at her first daughter-in-law.. no one knows why, although she said shes malandi.. which isnt true.. although her daughters act like one as well.. but its never negative so to speak.. maybe she meant kikay or girly.. but whatever.. shes very smart and nice.. ahya hubs lucky to have her..

dinner time!! i had steak which was flipped to the chair by the consumer haha trying to prevent it from getting burnt from the hot plate hahahaha stupiddddddd

someones been scolded.. good for her.. i wish i could do that to her one day.. much much better

wish list:
chuck taylor
shoes
dvd writer
creative speakers
mac os
electric guitar
flute
automatic watch
psp
tablet pc
and more shoes

one class for sat

2006-12-09T17:52:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a holiday i think its st. mary's bday.. im not sure.. also, mommy and daddy's 21st anniversary.. and were eating out tonight.. hopefully japanese resto hahaha i was supposedly gonna go to shokoy and tata's play at their church ggc..

had my bangs down at school today haha as if big deal.. although it is for me.. i hate people staring at me.. good thing its saturday and no ones in school.. but on tuesday.. hmm.. i dont know.. oh ryt almost forgot.. i saw baj and her friend sol today on my way to my only class.. as we chatted for about 30 mins, eli passed by with his gf (i think)..

taosis so adorable!! i love torturing her.. shes so cute and guillable hahaha she would bark at most thrice every 4 months.. she loves eating our food.. not the green ones though.. but we dont give her any of it, shell get allergies.. so i always make her smell my food instead..

mikka got this leadership training offer from accenture due to consecutive 1.5 up dean lister.. its very disappointing i didnt take the chance to be one of them.. if only i strived for excellence...... too late, past is past..

5 day vacation

2006-12-03T20:56:00.000+08:00

thurs - typhoon
got my hair done.. trimmed 2 inches and got new bangs which practically everyone commented about..
diko - japanese doll
mommy - when i was 3 where people thought i was a japanese
angot - kid/toddler
shoti - its weird haha
allen - hideous
atsi - anime

fri - bonifacio day (supposedly last thurs)
went to gateway with sachak, edward and atsi to shop for gifts and watch casino royale.. and its my second time to watch it haha the bangs really made me insecure not to mention people there staring at me..

sat - suspended by dean lim
went to shangrila with sachak, ahko and shobe.. bought gifts, all bags.. this time, i feel more comfortable not sensing eyes are on me.. hahaha practically most shoppers are chinese

sun - free day
went to northeast as usual to visit guwama.. then to fort at nbc tent bazaar.. bought gifts for friends then came right back home..

mon - free day
i cant predict the future

bangs

2006-11-30T23:40:00.000+08:00

woopee!! i dont have to feel bad about my hair tomorrow.. hahaha i had it cut by 2 inches.. and about 7 inches in front of my face hahaha young look old style hahaha i not sure if i want to show my bangs in school.. i hate people staring at me and commenting behind my back.. oh well theyll get used to it anyway..

i discovered a friendster-like web from sheena.. eskwela.. la lang.. ang cool e

wheres the bagio heading to?? hmm.. i just thought itll be cute to hit only ust campus hahaha

i miss my shoti.. havent talked to him for couple of months now.. *sigh* one and only solution: migrate to ca.. as if

i feel so lonely.. i need shoes

new blog

2006-11-27T19:30:00.000+08:00

again!!
grr i have no place to right the title of my post in the other blog.. i can only see the link textbox

ive been thinking what we should do for my friend.. itll definite hurt.. even if i havent experienced it yet.. im an expert without experience hahaha just kidding.. i shouldnt pushed too hard but its far better knowing it sooner than later..

jeans bday yesterday and shes celebrating it together with iris tomorrow woopee free movie tickets and lunch!

ahya and i had talked about taking care of nikki this afternoon.. hahaha but thats just our dream plan.. no, actually my dream plan.. how could i take care of her.. hmm.. not that mommy doesnt know how to discipline us.. it just that nikki always talks her out of something.. its like mommys been brainwashed or poisoned by nikkis expositions.. kaya parati nakakalusot.. im thinking of torturing her, but how? hahaha ill be dead by then.. coz itll be mommys turn to do it.. geez i hate nikki.. i just hate her.. suwapang, tamad, demanding and disrespectful.. these extremes u can definitely see in her.. no doubt about it.. take note, im not exaggerating.. ask the people at home.. i bet only mommy wont agree..

i need shoes..