1 week to freedom

Two years had passed and yet I'm still in AWS. Never been assign to japan. They said i was the one who was supposed to go. Since bossing was also going they assigned von to go instead of me. They were afraid some issues mght arise if i go. *sigh* what a waste. I work for aws because i wanted to go to japan. And not for any other reason. And now im leaving without even having to experience what ive been hoping for in the last 2 effing years.

I'm deciding whether to find a job or go study abroad or open a business. In short, I have no idea what to do with my life. I have no plans at all. Well, if wanting to go abroad to taste some desserts is planning, then yes i have a plan. but that doesn't mean im gonna pursue it.

heres one week to freedom. cheers.

one half day

spent half a day with bossing today before him going back to japan. unfortunately, im still here.. iwan..

the first time he texted me was back in 2009 when i just started working in aws. i remember him telling me he was in the manila ocean park with his family and hoping he could one day bring me there. i was so scared and shocked to hear that. i didnt know what to do, he was and still is my boss. i thought it was legally unacceptable to render those words to a subordinate. but there was no such rule.

2 years later, it happened. i was just there with him a while ago. he didnt remember what he said though. doesnt matter (at least for now). i had fun. we went strolling around the aquarium and finally had a fish spa. a kind of fish that eats away the dead skin cells. it was ticklish at first but it started to feel like you were grounded once you get used to it. not exactly comfortable. but good for the skin. i think. i wonder whats gonna happen if i dip my feet for a day.

went to promenade for a milk tea at happy lemon. i let him try the rock salt cheese and the red bean milk tea. he was not that impressed though. i think. well he said it was just ok. anyway, we were off to neo spa. had a dry back massage for 20 mins PHP320. pretty expensive. so-so for me. not worth it.

and for dinner, mann hann. with his family. *sigh* it was so awkward. me being the introverted type. and them being the crazy ones. crazy good, that is. i better be more outgoing the next time i meet them. maybe theyll come to like me. especially his mom. his mom, btw, kinda dislikes me. i dont know..

nevertheless i had fun. im looking forward to another date very soon, bossing hehehe my treat. ill miss you! take care of yourself. God bless!

unchosen

Ive been left behind. theyre speeding up.
Am I that bad? or is it just im unaware of whats happening.

I admit I often do my work with what i think is only required. I don't research or dig deep into the problem. I just thought it was a bit waste of time. I was wrong. so now, given that i have worked in AWS for 1.5 yrs already, I have very little knowledge of the codes and like.

maybe unawareness. I think the management should regularly evaluate the performance of their employees. its like in school, youll know when youre already failing. you know your stand. so you know what to do. you know you should study harder. its totally the same.

i dont know, maybe im just stupid (which i already accepted a long time ago). all crap.

August 26

finally.
its been a year and a month. mostly bad times. but when its not, its totally worth it. :)
i havent told anyone yet. coz no one asked :) which is good. for now. i dont know what will happen when i tell my parents. im just hoping for the best.
honestly, us or not, its pretty much the same. only the confidence of expressing my feelings and thoughts are much easier.

left out

grabe ang pagsisisi... yesterday i watched legally blonde the musical with eiza, nikki and bossing. everything was going well until they started talking about lasalle and ateneo. i never failed to feel left out everytime that topic goes around. i went to ust.. which is a good school. if you took med courses that is. people arent really familiar with ust offering a computer course. so that makes it embarrassing. second, we could afford to study in dlsu and admu.. but i didnt. computer students in ust studied there because they couldnt afford to study in those 2 schools. so i have no excuse. i am simply dumb. i could have gone there anyway. i know i can. this issue will never stop unless they stop talking and bragging about their schools plus the uaap of course. oh well, we cant turn back time can we..

how big of a deal is a kiss anyway

well it is big. depends where. head. fine. forehead. ok i guess. cheeks. o..k.. lips. no. at least not yet.

i didnt feel anything when i experienced it yesterday. a surprise smack. i didnt know it was a kiss until he tried to hide under the water. i got so furious i didnt know what to think. anyway, i dont wanna go back there. although before that incident, i covered my face with a towel and then he targeted the forehead and the cheeks. and then the lips. it was really weird but it felt kinda good and right. so i just sorta showed it was fine. well because there was something in between. so i guess he got the idea of really doing it from this. but then after the fight and a lot of compromises, there it was again. with a blanket this time. it felt really nice. as surprising as it may sound. i cant wait to have a blanket on my face again. :P

what to do

i have to decide whether i want him to be mine or not.. but i do want him. im just not ready to be in a relationship. my family wouldnt exactly be glad about it. they want me to find somebody richer who can provide.. a comfortable life? plus. i dont even know how to tell him. but i know and im sure i dont wanna let him go..