still a probi

extended for two months, given a special project, repeating my exams. these are some of the repulsive requirements of AWS. i cannot believe im working for them.

we were given until the end of the year to finish this project and yet i havent exactly started on our proposal. i wonder what would happen if we didnt finish.

why do i always fail?

heres what happened these past few months.

i failed philnits once and again. i just couldnt believe how stupid i can get. and yet im only 10 pts behind.
i might fail JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test). im not sure if i was blocked out. but i studied. it just wasnt enough. more on skimming than scanning.
im not doing anything at work recently. i get the feeling they dont trust my capabilities. but i do think theyre got that right. its really impossible to trust me. i know that.

this is a disaster. im such a failure.

PhilNITS once again

exactly one week before the exam. and yet im still not studying. mainly because i do not know what to study. obviously unsure if im even gonna pass.

no idea. at all.

just recently transferred from dev b to c. really. really awkward.

frustration

ever since i knew about colleges, i've always wanted to study at lasalle. i'm not exactly sure why. but i think it's because i'm more qualified there compared to up and ateneo. unfortunately, i didn't get the chance to pass the entrance exam. maybe, just maybe, if i answered all or even 80% of the questions, i might have that chance. now. it's getting frustrating everytime my lasallian friends/officemates mention their school. and all of them have that look. the look of proud alumni. the look that spells you-came-from-a-trash-school. the "i pity you" look. i don't understand why it has to be this way. sometimes it gets to the point where hanging out with them is such a torment. it's degrading everytime.

what to do now

OJT just started last wednesday and i couldn't really think of a good way to escape this dump. my groupmates are kind of depending on me to do my part. although they just assigned me to do testing. it's a bit insulting, honestly. knowing my capability. although i'm not saying i'm good or anything. but testing?! why did i apply here in the first place if i'm just gonna do testing? anyway, i thought it'll be ok since i'd be on leave for 2-3 days.

PHILNITS is coming close. 5 weeks to go. 10 more books to read. 15 past exams to review. 16 past JITSE exams to study.

my escape

i'm thinking of leaving AWS. i can't stand the thought of being a probi for two years. coz it's like almost impossible for me to pass the PhilNits exam (a requirement to be qualified for regularization). we've been given 3 mock exams which none of those i passed. totemo pityful, i know. i wonder when i'll be kicked out. anyway, i applied at NEC, also a Japanese IT company, just in case, but also with other ulterior motive. LOL. i'll go in detail with this once successful. so. fortunately, i was shortlisted for an interview next two weeks. well, for now, i just hope everything goes well.

last day of the year in AWS

yesterday was our Christmas party. they ordered ambers (again) and the usual KFC. we had shagedy-shapopo games and the revealing of babies (kris kringle). we went bowling + billiards at robinson's place afterwards and ate dinner at ajisen ramen which is quite different from hk, sadly. finally, karaoke at timezone php12 per song. pretty affordable compared to redbox which costs hundreds per head.

when people say you're magaling for countless times. what does it really tell you? coz real magaling people get compliments only once they are known to be magaling. and that's it. they don't get complimented over and over again. so what if you get complimented whenever you get an average score or just simply accomplishing something. you'd feel insulted diba?? coz they expect you most likely cannot do it. it means you're either bobo or tanga. or both.